Goodness, to be a teenager once again? Those wild days of youth where you’d get wired off Smirnoff Frosts in the park and stay out throughout the night are but a dear memory by the time you reach your mid-twenties.
Those precious years between the ages of 24 and 27 can seem a bit of a no-man’s land – I like to think of it as a golden period, where you get the best balance between the crazy clubbing days of most people’s late teens and early 20s, and the often wine-fuelled nights on the sofa so beloved of those nearing the 30 milestone. As Hannah Montana would say: we get the best of both worlds.
Despite everything we jump at the chance to go out, party, move, let our hair down and get a bit – or once in a while a great deal – plastered (please drink mindfully), yet let be honest: nobody needs to spend a night in the grimiest of clubs anymore.
1. Your pre-drink of choice is probably prosecco, and the prospect of supermarket own-brand vodka mixed with orange squash makes you shudder.
2. You no longer walk to the club with a water bottle of vodka cranberry – let’s be real, you probably treat yourself to an Uber because you are classy.
3. Actually, you’re more likely to be in a pub or bar than a club anyway. For the most part, clubs are so noisy you can’t hear yourself think, let alone have a conversation.
4. You’ll pay to check-in your coat rather than go out without one and save £2, and you worry for the coat-less youths in the queue alongside you – they’re bound to catch their death of cold. Put a scarf on, dear.
5. You won’t queue to get in anywhere for more than 15 minutes, and you have been known to give up, leave a queue and go back home, possibly to carry on drinking, possibly just to go to bed.
6. You actually drink the occasional glass of water when out – maybe not every other drink, as we’re told, but c’mon, you don’t want to be running to the loo all night and you’ve probably already broken the seal.
7. Your drink choices aren’t solely based on what will get you the most drunk for the least amount of money. Yes I will have a champagne cocktail thank you very much (but only if it’s happy hour).
8. You buy drinks in rounds as opposed to everyone just looking out for number one. Sometimes.
9. You’ll probably be on your way home by 2am. Weekends are precious when you work all week, and you don’t want to waste the whole next day asleep.
10. You’ll skip the drunken kebab in favour of the artisan flatbread and caramelised onion humous you have at home. Or perhaps you have some leftover quinoa with Mediterranean vegetables. Delicious.
11. You bother to get into your pyjamas, brush your teeth and take your makeup off before bed. Unless it was a particularly heavy night and you don’t make it further than the floor – but hey, we’re not old yet.